Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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