I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
