We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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