he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
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