I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
