This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
