if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
