Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
