eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
