remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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