your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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