ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize