I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
