Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
