I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
