I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize