Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
