that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
