Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
