I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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