dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
