I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
