my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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