Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
