false alarm. still invincible.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
