Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize