She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
