Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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