Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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