If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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