Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize