??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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