we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
