How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
