So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize