I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
