he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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