Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize