so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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