I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Randomize
