Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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