Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
