I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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