my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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