Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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