Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i want to swaddle you in tequila
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
