I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
