Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Say something about gay babies.
where does the pee come out of this thing
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
