Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
