I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
well, you know. whores of a feather.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
