I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
