I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The feeling are messing with the penis
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
