I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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