Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
