Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
