I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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