They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
