i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
