I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
