Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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