im drinking this country out of the recession.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize