i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
