I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
This can only be settled by a dance off.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
