Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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