it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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