I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize