If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
