im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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