I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
