The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize