Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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