turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Randomize
