Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
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