he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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