I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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